Translator: Vemmy
Editor: Dancing Dolphins Yo!


Why do I always mortify myself in front of my boss?  Was there a disruption in the heavenly cycle this year*?  Or maybe the layout of my new home is bad? BaZi** and picture of the layout of my room is included below, I’d like to trouble you guys to help me take a look.  Not that urgent so I won’t stay online and wait.

*犯太岁 – I have no idea how to translate this, here’s a link I found which doesn’t explain much but helps a bit https://www.tinyatdragon.com/blogs/spiritual/what-is-fan-tai-sui

**八字 – Literally translated as “Eight characters”, calculated from birth date, month, year, time, etc etc. Has to do with fortune and all sorts of complex things that I don’t understand o.o https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Four_Pillars_of_Destiny



I seem to have forgotten to mention how I mortified myself.  Today, I accidentally sprayed him with the tapioca from the bubble tea. Last time, when I walked by a Ferrari, I took a picture to act pompous and to keep as a souvenir; he rolled down the window and the two of us made eye contact.  The time before, I fucking dropped a WSJ in front of him!



The bubble tea incident was because the straw was blocked, I pulled the straw out and tried to blow them out.  The result was that he just happened to pass by and PEWPEWPEW, they shot all over his damn dress shirt.  WSJ is pad ah!

*WSJ – 卫(Wei)生(Sheng)巾(Jin)



So what if the gender on my profile is male?  Are men not allowed to use pads? Isn’t that sexism?  Do you have any idea how important pads are to hemorrhoid patients?



I’ll speak in detail about the pad incident then.

Maybe I ate too much spicy food those days and it caused my hemorrhoids to act up, it was extremely painful, bleeding incessantly.  In order to not stain my pants, I could only line it with an ABC overnight 28 pad. I keep feeling like you guys will ask “Why ABC, why 28?” Because my butthole was burning, why can’t I use refreshing mint to cool it a bit? 28 because my butt is too big and I’m afraid of leaking!

During the noon break of that day, with Musk Hemorrhoids Ointment in the left pocket, WSJ and napkins in the right, I wanted to run to the washroom to sneakily apply medicine.  Just as I walked in through the door, I saw the boss washing his hands. It was really weird, the paper towels happened to run out that day, I just wanted to attentively butter up to him, and so I reached into my pocket, pulled out the napkins, and handed them to him without looking.

He lowered his eyes and stared at my hand, I stared at his face, felt that something was wrong, lowered my head to look, fuck!!!!! I took out the WSJ!

At that moment, even the air was frozen!  It was as if I could see “dumbfounded” written in capital letters across his face.  Living for 25 years, I have never felt that awkward before!!



What else could he say?  Other than “Thank you, I don’t need it”, do you expect him to happily receive it and discuss insight with me?

In the end, is there anyone who wants to answer my question?  I didn’t ask the question to tell jokes! Could you guys please treat this seriously and have some professional ethics!



I have mixed hemorrhoids, I do want to treat it through surgery, but where would an overtime dog get the time off to go under the blade?  Furthermore, my balls ache whenever I think about having to poop in the days after the incisions, I’ve heard that it feels as if death is better than life……Anyway, I’ll deal with it using Musk Hemorrhoids Ointment and WSJ first, if it doesn’t work then I’ll reconsider.



Used the nine-stars fortune changing crystal ball formation recommended by a great god, hope it works.



Fuck, garbage!

Get lost!

Damn useless!!

While throwing out the WSJ, it got stuck on my hand!  Was seen by the boss!  Fuck, I hope he doesn’t think I have some special interests!!



There’s nowhere to throw out WSJ in the men’s washroom, I always roll them up, hide them in my pocket and pretend to be looking at the scenery as I run to the large garbage can by the stairs to throw it out!  But people would sometimes go there to smoke, so I can only do it as quickly as possible every time!

Today, I accidentally got it stuck to my hand when I went to trash it.  Just as I was about to fucking tear it off, the boss came in with cigarette and lighter in hand.

And then he looked at me, I looked at him, the image was really too beautiful.

Hahahahahahaha life is filled with trials and hardships, why bother adding some more hahahahahaha!!!*

What crystal ball!! What fortune changing formation! What luck changing talismen?! Garbage!!  All of it is garbage hahahahahaha!!

*哈哈哈哈哈哈哈人生几多风雨,何苦再多一点哈哈哈哈哈哈!!!From image below o.o


I’m not crazy!

You group of garbage, I wouldn’t change jobs for a little thing like this!  Do you have any idea how expensive renting, plumbing, electricity, and heat are??



Forwarding koi seems to actually work!  I fucking forwarded all the koi I could find on Weibo and Wechat, don’t know which one worked.

After continuously working overtime for a month, the leader told us that we could leave on time today!  And he even said that it was the boss’ order, telling us to not be so pressured by work and to relax when we have time.

He’s really too right, I’m going to invite people to challenge Chongqing hotpot* again!

*Chongqing hotpot – hotpot from Chongqing, similar to Malatang.  Looks spicy but it’s quite good, don’t be fooled by the colour!

Image result for chongqing hot pot




Too spicy!

Even Musk Hemorrhoids Ointment can’t save me!

I’m dying!!



Hahahahahaha life is filled with trials and hardships hahahahahahaha!!!

Why bother adding some more!!!!

One had just finished and another one immediately followed, will there be an end hahahahaha!



Bled out* in the washroom yesterday, the entire toilet was filled with blood, I didn’t even have the time to pull up my pants when I rushed out to find help, the result was, there was only the urinating boss outside.

Can you guys imagine for a moment, me rushing out in terror without pulling up my pants, with blood flowing from my lower body, clinging to him as I slid to the ground little by little, using the rest of my strength to speak three words.

“Call the ambulance!”

Think about it for a moment.

Do you still want to ask if I’m okay?

The entire company knows that I was sent to the hospital because of bleeding out from hemorrhoids.

My life is shrouded in darkness.

* Term used was metrorrhagia(血崩) which is vaginal bleeding.  Couldn’t figure out how to fit it into the sentence.



How much rain and wind must a person experience in life!  Farewell my concubine ah *, the mandatory song to pick at ktv!

Fuck, I think the original song’s lyrics are extremely apt for my current situation.

Don’t bring up the past, life is already tough enough……

Couldn’t help singing it.

*霸王别姬 – Farewell My Concubine, film by Chen Kaige in 1993.  The song mentioned, Bygone Love, sung by late Leslie Cheung https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i7OYo239zTM



Why must you force me to bring it up!?  This isn’t a forum to question a hemorrhoid patient!

Hello, does anyone still remember my question at the beginning?



What do you mean, open a new forum next door for questions!  Go get treatment if you’re sick, Q&A section my ass!!



Fine, I’ve given up struggling, you guys come……



Haven’t had the surgery yet, have to go for an examination first and then arrange a separate time for the surgery.  The doctor performed a digital examination, then told me that my situation was already quite serious and needed to have a surgery as soon as possible.

When I fainted in the washroom, I kept my grip on the boss, and didn’t let go even when we arrived at the hospital.  I’m feeling quite thankful to him, because he accompanied me all the way to the hospital. It’s just that I hadn’t washed my hands when I grabbed him, so I feel quite apologetic to him as well.

He gets even more unfortunate XD It’ll be fun, I promise (^_^)

Table of Contents|Next Chapter

14 thoughts on “WAMMFB Part 1

  1. After continuously working overtime for a month, the leader told us that we could leave on time today! And he even said that it was the boss’ order, telling us to not be so pressured by work and to relax when we have time.
    — The big boss must have think he is stressed silly lol. Turned out he is just born silly. Had hemorrhoids but still challenging spicy hotpot when given rest day 😂😂.

    Liked by 3 people

  2. I was dying from both second hand embarrassment and laughing too hard!🤣🤣🤣🤣 What an unfortunate fella! And it gets worse?;!!!!! Poor guy.😆
    Thanx for the chapter!(๑´>᎑<)~❤


    1. I wouldn’t recommend it cuz this one uses so much slang that I sometimes gave up D: It is your choice though and if you really want to, please try using the raws to preserve as much of the original meaning as possible.


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