Editor: Dancing Dolphins Yo!
The digital examination was painful ah! Are there supposed to be some other feelings?
Please don’t put the digital examinations of ordinary patients on par with those of hemorrhoid patients, it’s impossible to compare, thanks.
Surgery is scheduled for tomorrow morning. I don’t have any family here and the boss actually hired a caretaker for me, such a good person!
Could it be that bleeding out in the company washroom was considered to be a work related injury? I didn’t even have to pay the inpatient fee myself.
He also told me to properly rest and recuperate, saying that he’ll visit when he has time and that I don’t have to worry about work, my colleagues will help me complete unfinished tasks while thinking of my heroic image as I fell at my station.
Was he mocking me?
Mood is kind of odd.
The surgery was finished, still under anesthetics, so there’s no feeling.
I’m finally a man without hemorrhoids hahaha!! I will finally be able to freely eat hotpot once again hahahahahahaha!!
During the surgery, I was mostly numb. With my two legs open as I laid on the operation table, the posture was extremely similar to that of giving birth.
I even asked the doctor, I asked him if his appetite would be affected after frequently looking at the chrysanthemums of patients.
He said that it doesn’t, but it does affect sexual desires.
It’s like there’s a date in my butthole.
The doctor is heterosexual, married too. Furthermore, fuck, I just learnt that the doctor is the boss’ brother-in-law!
Never would I have thought that the only two men in this world, who have seen my naked butt bleeding out, would be relatives.
The boss came to visit me today and even sent me to change medication.
On the way there, I cried. He thought that I was extremely touched, but the truth was that I was extremely scared. I really am terrified of the pain of tearing my chrysanthemum.
I want to change songs, life is already tough enough* can no longer satisfy me!!
Sing along with me: Wilted chrysanthemums, are spread across the floor, even my smile has turned faintly yellow**.
*From Bygone Love (当爱已成往事), sung by late Leslie Cheung https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i7OYo239zTM
**Chrysanthemum Terrace (菊花台), sung by Jay Chou https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SSX8JVADBfk
Let me die!!
Why the fuck do humans live? Why is eating necessary?
If I don’t eat then I don’t need to poop! If I don’t poop then I won’t have to feel the pain of my chrysanthemum tearing every day!!
How many hundred millions of years do humans need to evolve, until they evolve away the butthole!!
Five days after the surgery, company colleagues came to visit me and brought a beautiful bouquet of fresh flowers.
Boss also came and was heckled by the group into handing the flowers to me.
In that moment, a line of words flashed through my mind.
Today, Comrade XX, accompanied by numerous acquaintances, arrived at the hospital to warmly express consolation for Comrade XXX.
There was even a retard who took a photo, really want to stuff the flowers into his big mouth!
They say that the picture of the boss handing me the bouquet will be posted on this month’s company newsletter.
What the fuck can I say other than “Oh”? I didn’t pay a cent of my medical fees after all.
Thinking about it now, ploy, it was all a ploy!!
Boss came to pick me up and used his car to drive me home. I sat in a Ferrari for the first time, super awesome!
Before he left, he asked me how I was going to change medicine. I told him I’ll do it myself, he said that his house was nearby, he could come every morning and evening to change medicine for me and conveniently take me to and fro from work!!!
Time comes, fortune turns, extreme sorrow turns to joy ah ah ah ah!!
Was the nine-star fortune changing crystal ball formation finally useful??
Obviously, when the nurse applied medicine and changed the bandages, it was just painful, but not that awkward; everyone was adult after all, what is there that one hasn’t seen yet? Why was it so awkward when the boss took over?
As he applied medicine, he even gently asked me if it was painful and if he should be lighter next time.
My awkwardness cancer was going to burst, felt like I was being slept*.
Now, every time I look at my boss, I’ll remember that he was the man who penetrated my chrysanthemum!
Although, his technique was quite professional.
*嫖 – The character used here means to visit prostitutes. He felt that he was the prostitute visited by the boss o.o
Finally I understand what a burden beyond one’s life’s limit is*.
By A Chrysanthemum in Agony Whenever I Sit
*It’s hard to express but imagine Atlas holding up the sky, using his life to hold up the mass, except the chrysanthemum isn’t Atlas and got crushed by the sky o.o
Let me show you guys what collegial love is: collegial love is when your colleagues know that your butthole underwent surgery and considerately attach a small sized swim ring to the chair, so that you can sit in ease as you work! Picture attached below.
What’s the meaning behind my female colleague recommending wsj brands to me?
Actually, I’m still using WSJ……because the wound tears every time I poop and then blood flows……but I don’t use ABC anymore, I’ve changed it to Sophie Elastic Form Fitting.
The company specially placed a garbage can in the men’s washroom, in fact, they completely do not need to be that thoughtful.
Heavens above! Why have you done this to me! What did I do wrong?!
As he was changing the medicine for me, the boss said that I was recovering well, it looked quite pretty, but it might still need some trimming when the time comes.
Why does he seem like he’s very knowledgeable about this matter? Could it be that the doctor brother-in-law would often discuss the patient’s situation with him?? Also, what does trimming mean?
So it’s granulation trimming……
Anyhow, why is it that you guys only pay attention to how he praised my chrysanthemum’s appearance? Goddamnit, is this something worth being proud of !?
What’s the difference between that and praising a salted fish for being fragrant?!
Every time I finish pooping, in order to not contaminate the wound, I need to have a hip bath, in other words, wash my butthole.
The company doesn’t have a shower room for me to wash up, so the boss told me to use his small lounge to clean it.
Today, he wasn’t in his office, so I filled a bottle of water after I pooped this afternoon and ran to his rest room to have a sitz bath.
Bored, I even lit a cigarette.
And then, everyone please look at the topic, the curse regarding the boss that surrounded the original poster appeared again! Appeared again!!
The boss, he suddenly returned!
Caught completely off guard!!
Without giving any warning!!
Twisted open the door to the little lounge!!
I was fucking squatting there, with a cigarette in my mouth, my butt in a basin, what kind of pose is this!
He froze for half a second before quickly backing out, but that awkwardness was present even after he sent me home after work……
Someone asked me, you already have comradeship through looking at your butthole, what is there to feel awkward about.
Fuck, your words are very reasonable.
Went in for a re-examination today, the doctor said that I was recovering well, and then asked me if I placed importance on the beauty of my chrysanthemum in my daily life.
His words were too technical, I actually didn’t understand.
He saw that I didn’t speak, and who knows what he misunderstood because he then pulled out a pair of scissors and trimmed my lower half with a few snips.
He snipped as he spoke: Don’t be embarrassed, I don’t discriminate against this.
My cold sweat flowed non-stop in my agony, I had absolutely no chance to ask what he meant.
After trimming, he told me that my chrysanthemum was now a perfect chrysanthemum flower.
Fuck, thank you* so much!
*He uses formal, respectful language to express sarcasm. I hope you can tell he’s being sarcastic…
Editor-sama accused me of being a sadist QwQ I assure you that this isn’t the height of his misfortune/embarrassment, it gets worse XD