Editor: Dancing Dolphins Yo!
All of it is this world’s fault!
It was the heavens that made me gay! The heavens want to gay* me!!
……I need a few days to calm down!
*天要基我, you can take this in multiple ways so I just translated it literally for your interpretation~ Aren’t I considerate~
Can’t stay calm!!
After becoming gay, my entire existence feels wrong!
Today was the boss’ birthday, everyone chipped in to buy him a cake, giggling like imbeciles as they sang Happy Birthday and clapped, then, the moment that the candles were blown out, they fucking smeared the cake onto his face. At first, I thought that it was funny, but then he scraped off some cake and licked, fuck!!! Did he need to lick it so seductively?? While watching, I actually got hard!! Where’s my integrity!!?
Ah! Feels like my body has been hollowed……
Now, looking at the boss, my eyes practically have beautifying lens attached……
Boss, you little bewitching devil……
He actually bent me……
How to pursue him……
Completely don’t understand, is it the same as chasing girls?
Who the fuck told me that we needed to watch horror movies? Invited the boss to watch a movie after work, didn’t dare to look at the big screen from beginning to end! So scared that I almost wet myself, alright?! I couldn’t let the boss see my fear, fuck, I almost cried from holding it in!
Work is so tiring……butt hurts from sitting……
Boss told me to move around regularly or else the hemorrhoids would recur. Terrifying, whenever I think about having to experience that heart rending pain again, I start sweating.
In accordance to everyone’s advice, I made an online order to have a rose sent to the boss everyday for a month.
Didn’t you say to ask for the other’s hobbies and interests? I went and asked, asked him what books he liked. I thought that he would say something like daddy Ma Yun’s autobiography* or the Wolf of Wall Street, but the result was that he told me 《The Carnal Prayer Mat**》and《Tian Xia Luan***》?! EXO ME****?? Where was the model business elite?? He even recommended them for me to read……
Downloaded the electronic book, will read it tonight……
*马云爸爸自传 – Ma Yun is cofounder of Alibaba. He was a university prof who became a very successful businessman and is currently one of the richest people in the world.
**肉蒲团 – Chinese erotic novel from 17th century, usually attributed to Li Yu
***天下卵 – No english translation for the novel but it’s basically a gay erotica about a family that worked in the castration business. Its description on Baidu was too…..artistic? Poetic?
****Author wrote this in English.
Fuck ah, after reading it, my p**** hurts. Is he baiting me??
The boss asked me for my opinion after reading, I said that it was a decent read, he invited me to go to his house to watch The Carnal Prayer Mat in 3D……Is he really not enticing me?
Watch my ass! The cries were so fake!
The big chest wasn’t even as attractive as the boss’!
Saw that a lot of people commented that I got bent easily, that it has gotten out of hand.
It’s not that I bent on command, it’s just that, when I speak of my pain and turmoil, you guys always respond with “hahahahahahahahaha” and “6666666666*”……completely useless, I’m better off contemplating it myself.
After sending flowers for the majority of the month, I made obscure inuations to the boss regarding his thoughts towards the sender of the flowers, he said that there were many people who pursued him and he had no time to take notice……Fuck ah, was he flaunting to me? I also pursued a lot of people too ah!
I stare at the door of the emergency exit every day now to check if the boss goes out to the hallway to smoke. If he goes, I casually grab my cigarettes and walk over, pretending that it’s a chance encounter. We occasionally discuss my hemorrhoids……I really want to curse here……
It’s just the boss asking me if I’ve recovered, I respond that it’s been a bit tight recently, that I may not have stretched it properly, and that I might need to continue physio for a bit longer, then he would teach me how to stretch it more effectively……
I used to think that he was so knowledgeable because of his doctor brother-in-law, but now……I seem to have suddenly comprehended.
Today is the last day of sending flowers, I attached a confession letter to state my identity.
The boss sent me home after work, he was silent the entire way. I thought that there was no chance, you guys understand, need to act as if nothing happened, that we’re still good friends, and continue our interactions as usual. Although it wouldn’t be as awkward that way, but I just can’t: if I can’t successfully pursue him, I would definitely not have the face to appear in front of him again, it would be better to resign and go back to my hometown!
Just as I was going to despair, we reached my home. I got out of the car, then he lowered his window and called out to me. I bent over to listen to what he wanted to say, and he actually pulled me by the collar and kissed me!!
Fuck me ah! Wasn’t this motion too flashy? Some damn Mary Sue* romantic scene!
*Mary Sue: https://fanlore.org/wiki/Mary_Sue
Oh right, thanks everyone, we’re together now!
Thank the heavens for allowing me to find a partner who wasn’t bothered by the endless mortification of myself in front of him and is willing to mutually support each other through the pain of illness.
Boss said that he wants to help me physio tonight, said that it would be better than when I do it myself.
You guys knew that he wanted to poke me, didn’t you??
He said that he had waited a long time for this day!!
Fuck, no wonder he cared so much about my condition! It turned out to be “raise a chrysanthemum for a hundred days, fuck him for a lifetime” ah!!
The boss’ methods were too deep, can’t outplay him……
Alright, I don’t need to change my fortune anymore, this cursed fate probably won’t recur anymore. Let’s disperse! Hemorrhoid friends can private message me for the hospital and inquiries regarding matters related to hemorrhoids, the rest won’t be entertained. Bye bye!
Did you guys have fun~